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Don’t Question Your Spouse’s Motives

Don’t Question Your Spouse’s Motives

As we grow up we are free to make our own decisions within reason. There seems to be something so rewarding and nourishing about making a decision, feeling great about it, feeling supported and not hassled about making that decision. An example of this could be that you would like to spend a day alone at the spa or maybe by the river fishing, it’s rewarding and reinforces the joy of the decision if that decision is honored by your partner. It is always better when you don’t question your spouse’s motives. Questioning your spouse’s motives can feel like a form of disrespect or distrust toward your partner.

When your partner questions your motives such as saying, “why do you want to do that?” or by saying, “maybe you should be spending time doing something else” , it ends up taking the joy out of what they were hoping to do. Instead of your spouse feeling they are supported by you unconditionally, they will feel like they are on trial instead. When you question your spouse’s motives even knowing they are innocent you are making it seem that you don’t have enough respect for them to make their own decisions. You are making it seem like they need your approval for any decision they make. If you are questioning your partner’s motives on a regular basis, you are making it difficult to have a loving relationship. It’s an ugly quality that is never going to be appreciated.


It’s okay to ask an occasional question but, if you’re always questioning your partner’s motives you may want to stop this bad habit. Think about it as being selfish and realize that it isn’t helping your partner feel wise in any way. It’s taking the joy out of sharing things with you. It’s only going to cause negative reactions. Instead of questioning your partners motives, how about sharing their enthusiasm? Be happy with them, show them how supportive you are to what they want to do as long as it’s within reason of course. Changing your ways will make a difference in your relationship.


It’s important to build each other up rather than breaking one another down.  Make sure you compliment your spouse. When you are excited about something your partner has done be sure to let your partner know how proud you are of them.Let your partner know how much you appreciate them, affirm them. Always be grateful. When you don’t act in a grateful way you can be robbing your partner of enjoyment. They can be feeling unappreciated. When you make it a habit of complimenting your partner on a regular basis, you will most likely get the same in return. Nothing bad should come out of complimenting your partner.



  • Tucker

    I love the theme of this article! It’s an important reminder that we are each free to make our own decisions (and I like that you add “within reason”). I very much agree that it’s good to ask some questions but that incessant concern over our partner’s WHY can be damaging to a relationship dynamic. I find it more useful to ask questions like “how can I support you in this?” when my partner brings up a new objective, adventure, or initiative she wants to undertake! 

  • Henderson

    For me, I believe that the question is a flickering sign that trust is beginning to lose its place in the relationship and once this goes on for a more longer time, there is bound to be some sign of break Ugg of any sort. In any relationship, we should learn to respect the other parties decisions because in reciprocation, they will too and this is what makes it all beautiful. I really enjoyed reading your post. Nice work!

  • Colleen

    I whole-heartedly agree with you. When questioning my spouse, though almost always in an innocent way, I can still sense that he does not appreciate it in the least. Sometimes, the tone of the voice is critical. My husband and I have been together for over 30 years, and there are times when you realize that you need to pick your battles. I trust him whole-heartedly, but I will be the first to admit that there are times when you should question motives, but it is best to think things through before broaching certain subjects, like driving too fast or spending large amounts of money. I appreciate your website and good luck helping marriages stay intact. You are doing God’s work 🙂

    • admin

      Hi Colleen

      Congrats on your long marriage. I love to hear success stories. I do agree with “picking your battles”. Life can be too short, why don’t we make the best of things? Thanks for your compliment.

  • Shifts

    Thanks for this brief but marriage saving piece on “Don’t Question Your Spouse’s Motives”. I have seen this situation cause havoc in a marriage before. Always questioning your spouse motives especially on everything simply means you lost trust or you don’t even trust your partner. Your partner will really feel like you want to rule his/her life.

    • admin

      Yes, I totally agree with what you are saying. I hope others can relate to this as well and this can help them in their relationships.

  • Techie

    Just like my dad, back in those days, when I tell him some things I want to do, it mostly led to quarrels and him questioning my motives and mis interpreting my motives too; I then felt insecure telling him anything. I do most of my things in secret (I hide it from him)

    When you keep questioning your spouse and misinterpreting his or her motives, he or she will feel insecure and would rather do his or her biddings in the secret (without letting you know), you finally lost his or her confident in you!

  • Anusuya

    Always good relationship leads you toward a happier life. 

    Stand for each other, complement one another, accept each other in all situations with positivity are some of the qualities one should practice maintaining a healthy and lasting relationship.

    Add enjoyment/ excitement to a wish or decision to make the relationship stronger. This also turns into adding trust which is vital to any relationship.

    The world around you and your outside will flourish with positivity.

    I truly appreciate this post offering very helpful advice for a truly sustained relationship.

  • John

    This topic that you have chosen to discuss is a very sensitive one and I admire the fact that you came to share some professionalism here. I think that in any relationship, it is important for both of them to always respect other peoples space. This is exactly one thing that almost broke a friends marriage. When we do not question our spouses’ decisions, we also have the advantage of having peace with ourselves. Nice work!

    • admin

      Hi John,

      thank you for your feedback. Yes we gain peace within ourselves when we don’t question our spouse’s motives constantly.

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