Don’t Question Your Spouse’s Motives

Don’t Question Your Spouse’s Motives

As we grow up we are free to make our own decisions within reason. There seems to be something so rewarding and nourishing about making a decision, feeling great about it, feeling supported and not hassled about making that decision. An example of this could be that you would like to spend a day alone at the spa or maybe by the river fishing, it’s rewarding and reinforces the joy of the decision if that decision is honored by your partner. It is always better when you don’t question your spouse’s motives. Questioning your spouse’s motives can feel like a form of disrespect or distrust toward your partner. Best advice as hard as it sounds is don’t question your spouse’s motives.

Don't Question Your Spouse's Motives

When your partner questions your motives such as saying, “why do you want to do that?” or by saying, “maybe you should be spending time doing something else” , it ends up taking the joy out of what they were hoping to do. Instead of your spouse feeling they are supported by you unconditionally, they will feel like they are on trial instead. When you question your spouse’s motives even knowing they are innocent you are making it seem that you don’t have enough respect for them to make their own decisions. You are making it seem like they need your approval for any decision they make. If you are questioning your partner’s motives on a regular basis, you are making it difficult to have a loving relationship. It’s an ugly quality that is never going to be appreciated.


It’s okay to ask an occasional question but, if you’re always questioning your partner’s motives you may want to stop this bad habit. Think about it as being selfish and realize that it isn’t helping your partner feel wise in any way. It’s taking the joy out of sharing things with you. It’s only going to cause negative reactions. Instead of questioning your partners motives, how about sharing their enthusiasm? Be happy with them, show them how supportive you are to what they want to do as long as it’s within reason of course. Changing your ways will make a difference in your relationship.


It’s important to build each other up rather than breaking one another down.  Make sure you compliment your spouse. When you are excited about something your partner has done be sure to let your partner know how proud you are of them. Let your partner know how much you appreciate them, affirm them. Always be grateful. When you don’t act in a grateful way you can be robbing your partner of enjoyment. They can be feeling unappreciated. When you make it a habit of complimenting your partner on a regular basis, you will most likely get the same in return. Nothing bad should come out of complimenting your partner.

Here is a place online where you can seek couple counseling if needed Stepping Stones Counseling Centre. Your marriage is worth it if you are having a lot of trouble and don’t know how to resolve much or where to begin you may need a professional to help you with that. Communication will have to be there of course in order to proceed with counseling.

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