How To Get Your Spouse To Love You Again

Many people ask this question the common question after feeling unloved and unwanted. I thought it was important to include some tips on how to get your spouse to love you again. Like the seasons, love in a relationship grows and wanes.

One of the most common myths in marriages is the belief that when the love wanes the relationship is over.

It’s not.

If your spouse says ‘I have fallen out of love with you,’ don’t panic. It doesn’t mean your marriage is over. It doesn’t even mean they don’t love you. What it does mean is that your spouse has lost their way, or doesn’t understand the many stages love and a relationship goes through.

You are being called to take charge of the situation, guide your spouse towards understanding this process, and even begin to rekindle your relationship.

The key to success is in understanding what is happening in your marriage and the role that love plays. It’s very easy for us to connect losing the feelings of being in love with actual loving when it is not really the case.

After the initial thrill of romance is gone, couples often find themselves lost and confused. What they don’t realize is that love is not just this heady lustful feeling that carries us away. That feeling has a shelf life. When the prospect of spending years together sets in, the correct question to ask one’s self would be ‘How now do I love without the initial thrill?’

We have to discover that every relationship has stages:

– falling in love,
– the honeymoon stage
– chaos or disillusionment,
– then mature love or resolution.

We are very quick to judge that we no longer love someone just because the feelings fade. With proper understanding, we can expect that even if the feeling may not be there, it doesn’t mean we don’t love.

In truth, love is a commitment. It is not just a feeling, it is a doing thing. A mature person loves by choice and not simply by circumstance.

The next step would be to manage your partner’s feelings or lack thereof by starting with dialogue. Talk about the feelings and find out what happened, where is it coming from? There are numerous tools and methods available for a couple ‘ together or with a counselor/mediator ‘ that would help them examine their present situation. Talk to your spouse and tell him or her that the relationship deserves at the very least, dialogue.

In dialogue, let your spouse talk and you listen. There may be important things you need to learn about your spouse and your marriage. On the other hand, you can also share your own feelings about what is happening. Try not to place blame on your spouse, however, but share your thoughts and feelings by using ‘I feel’ statements.

In the meantime, do some self-improvement. It is never too late to evolve into a happier, more mature and more lovable person – even if it’s just something you do for yourself. For all you know, this new you will be more attractive to your spouse and come as a surprise to him or her.

Finally, don’t stop reinforcing your presence in the marriage. Do some positive loving acts for your spouse without expecting anything in return. These mirror your mature, positive view of what love really is. Make these acts little things. They don’t have to be grand gestures.

It’s the everyday things that actually build trust, intimacy and love between couples.

how to get your spouse to love you again




  • Adyns68

    So, true!  Love or marriage is not all about grand gesture. It is about those small things that we need to every day to keep the flame and joy in our marriage. I think we always expect to receive but we need to give without expectations. Just tell yourself that you are doing it to be happy and make him/ her happy. I always say to myself you are doing it because that is what makes you happy and for me it is the basics of everything.


    • admin

      I totally agree with what you are saying! We need to give without expectations. When we don’t expect so much from the other person that can lighten our stress. Sometimes we expect too much out of people without realizing certain things are not possible because we are all wired differently. Guys think different than women so they may not be thinking about the woman’s feelings. Women may not be thinking that their husband didn’t remember something she told him that she found important but he didn’t find it as important in his man mind,

  • Myrna Dalton

    Your are vey right, in that, marriage and love go through stages. I was married for 21 years, unfortunately, my marriage is now over. However, we tried for years to make it work, all marriage take work. We could have worked through our differences, but in the end, I was tired of the cheating and did not want to work through the last one. 

    We both made mistakes and had to work on ourselves, I was working on bettering myself, he just was not ready and I was tired of waiting. He is a good man and hopefully he decides to make the changes needed to make a relationship work. 

    After some of the hardest times in our marriage we had the best times together, but the roller coaster was too much. That being saying, no matter what goes on in a marriage if, both people are willing to work and make the necessary changes, I think the marriage can work and be better. 

    • admin

      Hi Myrna,

      I hear this a lot from people and I was in a relationship this way before as well, working on myself constantly but the other person wasn’t doing the same and he didn’t think he had any issues to work on really…That being said it is possible to work things out when both parties are aware that there is a problem.

  • Daniel

    This is definitely the article I was looking for. My spouse and I live together for over 5 years and I feel that love is not the same as it was in the beginning. You encouraged me to begin with myself as I think that I don’t give her enough attention. Thank you a lot for sharing such useful tips.

    • admin

      I am so happy to hear this opened your eyes to what you need to do on your part with your wife! Glad this was a help for you.

  • Boniface-AndroidBix

    Hi there,

    Thanks for touching on this very sensitive topic of getting a spouse to love someone again. I’d like to confirm your words as I also add a contribution. 

    Just yesterday I attended a couples’ seminar where the eldest couple is married 33 years, the youngest about 9 months (from November 2019). It was a very interesting time when we were opening up on what made us sparkle when we were spotting and dating our to-be spouses. We were also asking ourselves where the sparkle is today, according to thenumber of years of our various marriages. This “communal” kind of sharing really helped us open up and reconciliations started happening. It was amazing to see spontaneous dances among spouses immediately after the closing prayers- many even did not want to leave the place but eventually it had to happen. 

    When couples attend such events where there’s free sharing of ups and downs, reconciliation often happens.


    Boniface- AndroidBix 

    • admin

      Yes!! These couples seminars are so important to keep the spark in your marriage or even make that spark come back! I’m glad to hear you two are working at keeping your relationship going. Thanks for visiting my site

  • AmDetermined

    Hi, your post is helpful and educating, it is a matured post and I can boldly say that you really understand this niche, the application of dialogue really works so much I have heard about it from an expert in marriage counsellor. To help couples out there I will be sharing your post on y social media for firemds and family to benefit from your post so that they can advice any shaking relationship.

    • admin

      Thanks so much for your encouraging words! Yes please do share this because there are so many people with broken relationships.

  • Sondra M

    Thank you for sharing this article.  It was very timely for me to read.   I am sad to say but I personally needed the remind that love is an action.   The feelings can come and go.   Yet, a relationship involves various stages.    The initial thrill does not last.   Thus the word “initial.”  

    I found your tip about talking to the other person and discussing the fact that a mature relationship includes a variety of stages to be very helpful.   Your post may help save my relationship.   Thank you.  

    • admin

      Hi Sondra, thank you for commenting on my website! I am happy I could be of help and I plan on keeping this site updated on a regular basis because marriage is important and if I can help just a few people I would be very grateful!

  • Dave Mahen

    My experience to the topic is limited, even though I’m married for 44 years. We worked out a few misunderstandings at that critical time when the kids moved out.  Your writing could use a more conversational tone, not that I’m an expert. You are off to a great start. This is a much-needed topic in view of divorce and domestic violence rates.

  • Henderson

    This is a well written post. I totally agree with everything you have said here. The love in relationships and marriages really do fade and many people think instead of cheating, its better to call it off. I agree also that dialogue is important in putting love back into  the relationship since dialogue itself is the apex and it is paramount in conflict resolution. Doing those little lovely things are also important, the problem might not be from the partner. Overall, great post

    • admin

      Hi Henderson, thanks for your comment. Many people cheat and I don’t believe that can help a relationship either. It’s important that people communicate with each other in respectful ways.

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